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Showing posts with the label life

Vacuum Accumulation

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  HOW TO BEST MANEUVER A HOOVER When a clean room looms When it comes right down to it, the instrument of debris consumption has never improved. Oh sure, a cyclone of suction that draws the material particulates into a canister has replaced the bags of yore. No longer does the operator of the machine for floor-sweeping have to deal with the potential of explosive dusty mayhem when removing the itchy eyeball producing pouch of corralled crud. A plume of various wastrel detritus would erupt into the face of the vacuum user and the surrounding local areas. The effect would render the face of the bag extractor to be covered in airborne sandy lint. Previously pleasant facial features were now reduced to scowling, frowning, and evermore increasing creases. It might even elicit a cough or sneeze or two. It was with this in mind that I began thinking of the one time, the tale of a supernatural traveling Hoover sales agent. A legend that was born amongst the smoking area cognoscenti elite of my

Tyson Fury Needs The Fight

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EMBRACE THE STRUGGLE Focus on motivation While scrolling through YouTube videos, I ran across a snippet of Richard Nixon answering a question during an interview and it reminded me of Tyson Fury. It sounds a bit convoluted but stay with me here. The former president was talking about how life needs a purpose. All the people that he knew from swanky parts of the world spent their time drinking too much, talking too much, and thinking too little. People that were millionaires and spent their time hunting or fishing or golfing or traveling didn’t know life. What makes life worth living is purpose. A goal, a fight, the battle, even if you don’t win. Tyson Fury needs the fight. He needs to train. Tyson Fury needs the distraction because left to his own devices, he spins into the darkness of depression. As the undefeated heavyweight champion of the world, Fury has scaled the heights of his chosen profession. He worked his way up from being an Irish Traveler repaving streets with his father,

Can’t Run Away From DNA

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  ONCE YOU FACE IT, THEN YOU’LL KNOW IT. It’s all in the genes. It all started with a muffin. There were a couple of pizza boxes and brown paper bags stacked on the kitchen counter. Whenever there is a mess like that, even a structured mess, it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I grabbed it all and threw it out. The muffin was in the bottom of one of the bags. My wife wanted that muffin. I bought it for her that morning. It was when she asked about it, that I started thinking about why I had this unthinking reflex to throw away the clutter. I’m like a shark. It’s like a seek and destroy mission. It dawned on me that something genetically induced the reaction. My father had an infuriating ability to throw away anything he deemed unnecessary that was lying around. That included me. If he caught me lying around, he attempted to throw me. That’s the thing with genetics. As much as we swear to ourselves that we won’t be like other members of our family, we end up doing the th

Laundry Basket Case

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  LAUNDROMAT LAMENTATIONS A washer and dryer sense of humor The whiff that made the olfactory reflex snap jarringly was emanating from somewhere deep in the recesses of the closet. Namely, my clothes hamper. After the initial shock of the dank mixture that hits your otolaryngological system, (that means your eyes, ears, nose and throat system, I know!, I just learned that too!), there is a prideful reassurance that what you’re smelling belongs to you. It’s almost comforting once you get over the offense of what it is. If you were to walk into someone else's mixture of sweaty cotton blend and whatever else, you’d immediately finger clothespin your nose and spin on your heels to escape and exclaim your displeasure! But, since what is stale and reposing in your laundry basket results from your strenuous physical exertions, a fierce pride foists its way forward because this result is what you were striving for. The stink of your activity is a sure sign of personal victory. You’ve set

No Job Too Big or Too Small

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  Enterprise knows no bounds A flyer on the community mailbox brought up the notion that someone had shaken the visions of what they believed could be possible. As if the boundaries that we perceive to ground us by ponderous gravity release themselves like the tentacles of an imagined giant man-eating octopus that has capitulated and surrendered. The flyer read ‘No Job Too Big Or Too Small’ and listed a phone number. No references or pictures of previous successful projects or even a photo of the person making the proposal. Many people trust themselves to begin an enterprise that will ease the boredom and drudgery of a, for lack of a better phrase, normal occupation. There are heaps of attempts that flounder because of financial concerns or concerns of family members who are concerned that the would be entrepreneurs don’t have what they need to undertake a business concern, as far as that is concerned. The aforementioned flyer on the mailbox refers to a paper flyer that appeared as an

The State of State Birds

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BIRDS ARE FOWL It’s for the birds There’s a fight going on in Florida about what the official state bird should be. It doesn’t matter what the details are. What matters is the question of why does there have to be a state bird in the first place? State birds don’t bring in revenue. I get that there are people obsessed with birds. They might travel to the state to see the bird. Bird watchers might spend a few bucks on gas and motels. They’ll buy food and maybe some bird seed. But, other than that, the money brought in by state birds is negligible. It’s not like the birds can go out and sell advertising or make contributions to political campaigns. Why make a fuss about state birds? Now I could understand if the state bird was some sort of a dirty bird that had a poor reputation. Crows used to wake me up at daybreak. It was needless and annoying. I’d go out and throw rocks at them until they surmised I couldn’t hit them.  They’d just caw until my shoulder yelled at me more than they did.

Fraudulently Yours

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NAH, THAT COULDN’T HAPPEN TO ME Scammers are people too Amid searching for work online, an email finds its way to the inbox. Since it’s been weeks since the quest got underway, the message blends with the others seamlessly. The opening of missives rolls on and, inevitably, unbeknownst to the opener, the nefarious note makes itself known. By innocently clicking on the offending offering a Pandora’s box will be unleashed if executed upon. Information in it reads like a positive pronouncement of the reception of an inquiry of the application for employment. Human Resources has received the solicitation, along with the resume, and has ascertained that the applicant has met the basic requirement to move forward in the process! As they peruse the details of the offer, a swell of gratitude fills the job seeker. All the aspects of the overture check the required boxes. Remote location, adequate compensation and benefits that are requisite upon examination. They conducted the initial interview

Just Rickey Henderson Being Rickey

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Rickey Henderson is the greatest base stealing artist of all-time. Nobody is close and nobody will ever challenge Rickey. When it comes to baseball, Rickey is like Madonna or Elvis or Ali. He’s known by one name. Rickey’s last name is superfluous. Just Google the name Rickey. It will auto fill his last name automatically. There is no more meaningful justification today than that. In baseball, the most meaningful act is to score runs.  Rickey has accomplished the baseball equivalent of the prime directive more than any player in history. It’s another of Rickey’s records that will be unchallenged. Rickey is Major League Baseball’s greatest leadoff hitter. It’s a position that is traditionally meant for a speedster with a premier ability to get on base. Rickey had an eye for the strike zone like an owl has an eye for prey. In 24 seasons, Rickey got on-base over 40% of the time. Rickey wasn’t just a base stealer and on-base machine. Rickey hit almost 300 home runs in Rickey’s career. 81

NFL Wild Card Weekend

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This NFL Wild Card weekend was great if you’re a football fan. I mean the NFL, and not the international game where they don’t wear pads and where the players don’t automatically collapse in a heap when someone exhales on them. Even in these days of COVID, it takes a few days before exhaling on someone results in them collapsing.  There were five games this weekend and that was enough. There is one tonight on Monday, and that is the game I’m looking forward to the most because the team that I root for, the Los Angeles Rams, are playing the Arizona Cardinals.  The Cardinals are the oldest franchise in the National Football League, having been the first team to join in 1922. They were in Chicago then, and because they don’t win very often, they were kicked from city to city until they ended up in the desert.  That said, the NFL games played this weekend ranged from entertaining to almost unwatchable.  First up was the Las Vegas Raiders against the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals hadn’t w