Craig Tyson Adams

  Back in the day, our relatives — bless their cotton socks, which, incidentally, were probably knitted by a woman who single-handedly wrestled a grizzly bear to the ground while simultaneously balancing a load of laundry on her head — had guts. Real guts. The kind that wouldn’t flinch at a beer bottle hurled from a passing Model T, or a surprise encounter with a rogue badger. Back then, people would tell you exactly what they thought, even if what they thought was wildly inaccurate and offensively stupid. You’d just deal with it. Built character, you see. Or just a crippling resentment that you carried to your grave. And let’s be honest, the whole “tell it like it is” thing often involved a lot of yelling, spitting, and possibly some fisticuffs. But they were real. At least, that’s how they’d like to be remembered now that they’re all mostly dead and can’t contradict me. These days? Forget about it. We’re a nation of people who need a safe space from… well, from everything. I...

Ever notice how fast things are, like, way lighter than slow stuff? Makes total sense, right? Think about it — birds are all active and quick because they’re light as feathers. Meanwhile, a rock just sits there because it’s hard, slow, and dense. When it does move, it’s by force and gonna tumble downhill because, well, hardness is basically not good for much. But birds? They can fly ’cause being soft isn’t weak. It’s actually like, the ultimate cheat code, but instead of shooting laser beams, you get to chuckle at stuff. It’s like a magic carpet, only way more fun and less likely to get you stuck in a tree. Some brainy people who study miracles have figured out a lot of saints could levitate. Cool, but you know what’s even cooler? They were probably just really good at being lighthearted and weren’t weighed down by existential angst. This has always been a thing, especially in art. Old Christian paintings always have this blue sky with clouds that are lighter than air. Everyone looks r...